Bewigged Would-Be Robber Thwarted

Larry Don Enos should have stopped while he was ahead! On Friday, he robbed a Fort Worth bank at gun point, all while duded in up in a wig and a fake moustache. Apparently not content with his booty, the bewigged criminal next went on a carjacking spree. The first woman he approached simply refused to give up her vehicle…

…the second made him wait while she got her kids out of the car. While Enos patiently waited, two men who were inside the bank came out and restrained him until police arrived.

Apparently, Enos took public transportation to the bank and had no get away car. Authorities are still deciding whether to charge him with carjacking.

The good Samaritans were both in the army. No injuries were reported.

…except to poor Larry’s pride (and also probably to his wig).

Nude Menace on Utah Highway

Another cars-and-nudity related crime has scandalized the people of Utah, hot on the heels of last week’s harrowing nude head-on collision and rampage in Sandy. The latest incident involved a 24-year-old man at a “scenic viewing spot”:

Police in eastern Utah arrested a naked man they say was jumping in front of cars on a highway.

About 11:50 p.m. Sunday, Uintah County Sheriff’s deputies and a Vernal officer found the naked 24-year-old from Austin, Colo., at a scenic viewing spot along U.S. Highway 40. Sheriff’s Lt. John Laursen said motorists reported the man was jumping in front of their vehicles and as deputies arrived he jumped in front of them, too.

Laursen said deputies do not know how the man arrived at the scenic view or why he stripped.

He was booked into the Uintah County jail on suspicion of indecent exposure and trespassing.

Bewigged Robber Ties Up Store Clerks

Some guy put on a wig, then went and robbed a convenience store! The fanciful felony occurred in Spartanburg, South Carolina.

According to Major Dan Johnson of the Sheriff’s Office, around 8:45 Thursday night, a man walked into the Family Dollar store, located at 1415 Asheville Highway, wearing a wig and carrying a weapon. The man then tied up two store clerks, and left with $3,000 cash.

The clerks were not injured during the incident, but the suspect managed to flee the scene. The Spartanburg County Sheriff’s Office K-9 unit was brought in to search for the suspect but he was unable to be found.

Nude Maid Eyed in Tampa Jewel Heist

The Fox news coverage of this alarming crime is poorly written and hard to make sense of, but I think taking off her clothes was actually part of this maid’s services. It all begins illogically:

TAMPA, Fla. — A nude maid stripped off her clothes and stripped a Florida homeowner of $40,000 in jewelry in a brazen robbery in the buff.

After the 50-year-old man hired the woman from the Internet on Friday, the maid stole from his suburban Tampa home despite not wearing any clothes, the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office said.

The woman arrived at the home in a one-piece, light colored dress. She took off the dress and cleaned the house for $100-per-hour, authorities said.

The man told deputies he left the maid alone in the bedroom to clean, according to sheriff’s office spokeswoman Debbie Carter.

When the man’s wife came home from vacation, she discovered $40,000 in jewelry missing from their bedroom.

Police are investigating.

Nude Crash for Party People

On the heels of the recent nude head-on collision in Utah, another nude car-crash has occurred in interestingly named St. Lucie, Florida.:

A car carrying a nude couple smashed a road sign and struck a utility pole north of Fort Pierce Friday night, according to a St. Lucie sheriff’s report.

Megan Marie Douglas, 18, of Fort Pierce, who told St. Lucie County sheriff’s deputies the two had just had sex, was charged with drug possession and driving under the influence, according to the report. She told officers she drank three or four beers before the Toyota Highlander went off the road at U.S. 1 and 25th Street.

Marijuana was found in her purse, and she said she deals in marijuana, according to the report.

Nude Attack on Owner of Cat, Bronco

This scary spree began with a lost cat and a deliberate head-on collision:

A woman was arrested on suspicion of aggravated assault Tuesday morning after she allegedly attacked the two passengers of the car she slammed into – all while naked.

The 38-year-old Sandy woman, who has a long history of mental illness, was driving near 7600 S. 460 East at about 7 a.m. when she intentionally hit a Bronco being driven on the wrong side of the road by a man who was looking for his cat, said Sandy Police Sgt. Victor Quezada.

After everyone got out of their vehicles, the woman began pushing, hitting and kicking the two men in the Bronco, police said. The woman got into the vehicle she hit and attempted to drive off. When it wouldn’t go, she got out and retrieved her car keys and began walking.

She followed a 14-year-old girl who was walking out of a nearby house, until a bystander told the teen to get back inside, police said. The woman pounded and kicked opened the door of the house, police said. There was no relation between the woman and the people living in the house….

Police arrested the woman on suspicion of aggravated assault, leaving the scene of an accident, trespassing and lewdness.

Nude Man Steals Truck, “Coveralls”

The shocking offense occurred in a suburb of Vancouver, British Columbia:

The unidentified 49-year-old man allegedly first appeared at a farm without any clothes on and grabbed a pair of coveralls before climbing into the cab of the 15-ton truck around 6:30 a.m., The Province newspaper reported.

Royal Canadian Mounted Police officers stopped the truck before it got far, RCMP Constable Dave Babineau told the Canadian Broadcasting Corp.

“The officers actually approached the vehicle and again the man showed very irrational behavior and told officers that he was going to drive the truck to a bridge and blow it up and they would never catch him,” he said.

Radio Star Says: “McCain Sounds Like Channing!”

The famous “Washington Post” newspaper spoke with celebrity impersonator Tim Russell from that droll “Prairie Home Companion” radio show. You know what he said? He said that his John McCain impersonation is so spot-on because it’s partly based on Carol Channing!

How does he get that voice so right? “It’s a little bit of Ronald Reagan,” Russell told us on the phone from Minnesota, “a little bit of Carol Channing, and Liberace.”

Carol Channing?! “It’s the ’s’ [sounds] — there’s a little sibilance involved. It’s the nasality that comes from Liberace. From Reagan, it’s just that breathy tone.”

Plus, there’s McCain’s trademark verbal tic. “I saw him doing a town hall meeting and I was struck by the number of times he said, ‘my friend.’ I thought, ‘Holy cow, there’s a hook.’ We always have our ears open to that kind of thing.”

That doesn’t mean you should vote for him, though.

Not Funny: Peaches Geldof on Drugs

Peaches Geldof is likely to beat drug charges, on a technicality. But the fancifully named pop heir had better get it together, Brits fear, or she may follow in the tragic footsteps of her mum, Paula Yates, who OD’d in 2000 at the age of 40.

Carol Channing Goes to Bakersfield

Broadway superstar Carol Channing’s string of benefit performances for arts programs in public schools continues its barrage of good with an upcoming performance in glamour-starved Bakersfield, CA. Like usual, the local paper interviewed the ebullient performer:

When I ran for vice president in junior high, I said, “Harry, I need a campaign song.”

(Carol calls out to Harry)

Harry, what was our theme song?

(The couple sing over the phone)

“We want Carol! We want Carol! When I’m VP, we’ll all leave school at 12 o’clock! When I am vice president! We want Carol!”

We had many choruses. We had a campaign slogan: “If Carol’s your vice, it’s a virtue!”

Believe it!